How to be ok when your not ok

We live in a world where we are constantly bombarded with messages about what it means to live the American dream and achieve the perfect life. Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat have given us the unique ability to filter out the less glamorous aspects of our lives and offer to the world some watered down, inauthentic version that fits with that idealized image. I have thought a lot about the costs and where have we have paid the price for these advances in technology. I have wondered if the rise of the internet and social media have played a part in the frightening rise of mental health issues, especially among our youth and young adults.

Before global connectivity and social media, what we learned about our world came largely from our flesh and blood relationships, our family and friends. We had the opportunity to learn through these deep and meaningful relationships, that life is often messy, imperfect and filled with the unexpected. This is the price of being human. Sure, many of us spent time, even before the rise of the internet, trying to hide the more uncomfortable aspects of our private lives. But here’s the thing, in real-life that’s a lot harder to do.

Our heartaches and struggles are unconsciously revealed through the subtle rounding of our shoulders when we walk, the unexpected catch in our voice, or the hint of sadness in our eyes. The countless ways the people around us really know who we are without our having to say it out loud. How often has a friend intuitively known when something was wrong, the truth revealed by our subtle cues long before we found the strength to share our story with others. We learn that it is okay to not be okay because we see the people around us, those we love, during the times in their life when they are decidedly not ok and watch them make it through to the other side intact.

On social media we often fail to see this kind of honesty. Whether it’s an Instagram influencer or a classmate from high school, we all feel the pressure to look perfect. And because we are privy to such a skewed personal narrative, we miss out on witnessing the beautiful sequence of events that transpire when we witness each other’s struggles. It is here we see how unbelievably awful life can be, how capable we are of persevering and overcoming, and just how much of our time can be spent feeling like we are living in chaos.
This kind of upheaval is a requirement for change and growth. Period. Chaos theory tells us that when you work to change a system, you push it out of its previously stable state. When that occurs, it then begins to oscillate between the old system and the new. The previous system must let go and fall apart for the new state to emerge. When we are in the middle of this it feels like nothing is ok or ever will be again.

“Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is thing’s don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen; room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.” - Pema Chodron

Our current obsession with the Marie Kondo brand- controlled, sanitized, and demanding it meet our insatiable need to be filled with joy is antithetical to personal and spiritual growth. Perhaps, we can’t get enough of it because it offers an illusion of safety or a measure of comfort in uncertain times, but it fails to prepare us adequately for the challenges we will face in life.
We spend our time and energy trying to manipulate and manage our circumstances instead of fostering our innate resilience and strengthening our ability to accept life as it is and not how we want it to be. We build valuable muscle memory each time we struggle and find ourselves on the other side, stronger for the experience. We learn to trust and have faith when we practice letting go in the moments when it feels impossible and everything in us screams for us to hold on tighter.

In some measure, the collateral damage from the digital age has been alienating us from the very thing that protects us in times of hardship and struggle. It is impossible to be connected to an image on a mobile phone and a status update cannot feed our soul’s need for belonging. That falls squarely in the province of the real world and in our real relationships. Those positive social interactions protect against stress and we are failing to access this brilliant evolutionary system when our attempts at bonding primarily occur via technology and social networking. At the end of the day, it is the bonds of love and connection that allow us to endure when things feel like they are falling apart.

So, how do we learn to feel okay not being okay? Cultivate relationships with people committed to living authentically and whole-heartedly. Find your family, those who know the intrinsic value of chaos and struggle on the road to reorganization and self-love. Connect, love deeply in the places that hurt. Reject the illusion of perfection everywhere you see it. Remind yourself to stop comparing your inside to everyone else’s outside.

 Be here now, invite the present moment into your life and make space for whatever may show up. Remember that the idea of beauty and perfection is only a construct, so give yourself permission to make your version big enough to include the parts of you that feel so exquisitely tender and vulnerable. Invite them to show up, then love them unconditionally and often. Learn to welcome not being okay because deep in your bones you know that it is here you will remember that you were ok all along.

#BeYourStory

In an age of selfies, snapchat, Instagram and influencers it can be awfully hard for a girl to hang on to some genuine, authentic self-love. I mean we are bombarded in the media with images that are heavily edited, redacted, filtered, altered, or staged in such a way to make us buy in to the myth of perfection. Some idealized picture of who they think we should want to be. Honestly, if I see one more episode featuring the "unreal housewives" where none of the women have any wrinkles, put on display their unnaturally taut faces bearing the usual frozen, vacuous expressions, their Balayage perfected hair, pre-fab boobs and manicured nails I may just scream. For the love of God, women are getting silicone injections in their body at their neighborhood Jiffy Lube, risking their lives all for a Lululemon-Kardashian ass, it's like chasing unicorns and has come to epitomize much that is wrong in our world today.

How in the actual fuck did this become our new normal? Vaginal steaming, waist training, cupping, vaginal rejuvenation, breast implants, breast lifts? Really just leave the girls the hell alone. These magical, mystical life-giving beauties are a testament to the strength and the absolute amazingness of women. I have breastfed three children and let me tell you, those girls are tired and have earned the right to sag and droop a bit if they want.

Self-love starts here people. When I look in the mirror what is the message I am choosing to send to myself? Can I bravely tell my reflection that each new wrinkle was hard fought and well earned? Paid for by the countless sleepless nights spent rocking my newborn babies, the job insecurities, a sick parent, the unexpected and unimaginable heartbreak. Every crease, Every line has a story to tell about each of us and our beautiful, incredible and at times, anxiety ridden and grief laden lives. The reflection in the mirror is simply my story made visible to the world.

Maybe that is why we continue to create ever more cosmetic surgeries and procedures and we fund a billion dollar beauty business as we willingly hand over our money to any snake oil salesperson peddling perpetual youth. I don't know, perhaps it feels safer to try and deny and erase our history, refuse to accept the vulnerability that comes with being in these human bodies. Our aging process that is so clearly visible for all the world to see, forces us to face our own mortality square in the eye. And, as long as our magazines and social media stay preternaturally young and we continue to eradicate all evidence of aging and imperfection, we close the door on creating a conversation about deeper truths.

These bodies tell our stories with painstaking honesty and share with the whole world our lifetime of heartbreak, worry, loneliness, resilience, and joy. They bear witness to our lives and lovingly mark the passage of time. Every time we try to inject, cut, lift, laser, away our perceived imperfections, this translates into a missed opportunity to seek meaning in this crazy journey we are all on together. It is our collective insanity that compels us to addictively scroll our Facebook feed and compare our insides to others outsides or try create the perfect Instagram pic no matter the cost, and it diminishes each of us. It is the passage of time and the recognition of our own mortality that continually reminds us that our time here is fleeting and we should get busy making it matter. When our world begins to reflect media images of unretouched, imperfect, unapologetically beautiful humans we will learn to truly embrace diversity and begin to yearn for more than what is only skin deep. We learn that it is only our story that truly matters.

So today I announce to the world that I am claiming this for myself! Today I choose the unedited, unretouched, unfiltered story of my life. By letting go of this construct of beauty and perfection we open ourselves up to one another through our story and it is through our stories we find our deepest connections around our shared humanity. The many-colored threads that weave between us help us to touch something greater than ourselves, something divine, something undeniably true. For when this life comes to an end, as it will for us all, I don't want to look back on my life having spent far too many of my moments in search of the perfect peroxide blonde, an unnaturally smooth visage, an annoyingly pert bottom or a perfect pair of Hollywood inspired double DD's. I want to be able to say that I lived out loud, faced down my fears, loved with abandon, laughed often, felt deeply, practiced kindness, helped others and left this world a little better place for having been here. I want for you to look at me and in each new line see the story of my imperfect life. See the woman who struggled to learn how to own her story and at the end of the day wholeheartedly tried to create a life that meant something. A woman who defied all odds to embrace a new construct of beauty- one that whispered… it is time to #BeYourStory. Pass it on