{"id":888,"date":"2020-02-21T15:18:31","date_gmt":"2020-02-21T15:18:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/butterflyeffectscounseling.com\/?p=888"},"modified":"2020-02-21T16:52:44","modified_gmt":"2020-02-21T16:52:44","slug":"the-path-to-softening","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/butterflyeffectscounseling.com\/?p=888","title":{"rendered":"The Path to Softening"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/images.unsplash.com\/photo-1511127088257-53ccfcc769fa?ixlib=rb-1.2.1&amp;ixid=eyJhcHBfaWQiOjEyMDd9&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=crop&amp;w=500&amp;q=60\" alt=\"person walking near wheat field\"\/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><b><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/b><strong>&#8220;We become a bundle of tense muscles defending our existence&#8221;  <\/strong>                         <strong>Chogyam Trungpa<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&nbsp;I would describe\nmyself during most of my early life as a glutton for punishment. If there was a\nhard way, I would find it. It became something of a badge of honor, my ability\nto face adversity square in the face and push on. I remember in my early 30\u2019s,\nI decided I would run my first marathon. Now, there was nothing intrinsically\nwrong with my desire to take on this challenge and stretch beyond were my\ncurrent abilities, but because it was so deeply ingrained in me to soldier on,\nI was unable to accurately listen to the messages my body was sending me. The\ngrueling training regimen I kept myself on meant my body was chronically in a\ngreat deal of pain. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">To cope, or more accurately, to ignore, I began taking\nregularly high doses of anti-inflammatory medications so I could continue\nrunning. Eventually, the abuse of my body led to horrible stomach pain and\nbloody diarrhea. Even these symptoms didn\u2019t register as something I should pay\nattention to. I never even thought to ask myself if it was too much pain. I\nnever considered slowing down or stopping to help my body feel better and allow\nsome comfort. Deny, ignore, and just soldier on. In retrospect, instead of finishing\nthe marathon with a new sense of purpose and pride, I look back on that time in\nmy life with incredible sadness. The vestiges of childhood trauma left me with\nan acutely high tolerance to pain and harshness. This was the world in which I\nresided and the life I knew best. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It wasn\u2019t long after the marathon I began to see a massage\ntherapist. I think my heart was in the right place. I began to feel the seeds\nof longing to feel better and not wanting to live my life in so much pain. On\nmy first visit to see her, true to form, I told her that I would respond best\nto really deep tissue massage and I wanted her to go in hard and dig deep into\nthe muscle. This fit with my motto, no pain, no gain. I don\u2019t think I could see\na path where I could open myself up to anything that felt good without first\nhaving to pass through the gates of suffering. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I remember this moment vividly. You know the feeling when\nsomeone is about ready to say something, however unwittingly, that will unravel\nand upend your entire world. She looked at me and with such kindness said that\nif she goes in too harshly and works too deeply into the muscle, my whole body\nwill begin to tense and tighten up in an effort to protect itself from the\nonslaught, but if she gently begins to work the fascia around the muscles,\ngoing slowly and easily, then the muscles will &nbsp;organically begin to unravel and soften and offer\nme some relief. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I can tell you that much of my adulthood since has been learning\nto cultivate this idea in all areas of my life. There is now an invitation to\nsoften when things feel painful or uncomfortable. What I had learned in childhood,\nand what felt like the harshest path, always involved so much resistance. It\nfelt like pushing a boulder uphill or swimming against the current. But there\nis a great spiritual truth, one found in 12 step meetings and bumper stickers\nwhich goes something like\u2026 &nbsp;Pain is necessary,\nbut Suffering is optional.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">What I have learned along the way on this journey is that my\nold ways of seeking the most painful and desolate path was that it led to\neverything tightening more. I spent so much time protecting against the pain\nthat there was not room for any opening up to what felt sweet and full of\ngoodness. We cannot simultaneously both tighten to protect and open up to\nreceive. But if we can begin to soften just a bit, if we can find the path of\ngently working the fascia around the muscle, life often gives way to some sort\nof sweetness, even in the most painful of circumstances. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When we meet the edges around what feels difficult with\ngentleness and kindness, when we bring to our places of pain and discomfort our\nloving attention instead of marching out the troops in an all-out assault, then\nwe learn that the hard way is not always the better way. Instead, we learn that\neven if we find ourselves in places that feel hard, there is always a way to allow\ngentleness to touch upon our harsh edges. We learn flow and not force. This is\nthe path to softening.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I would describe myself during most of my early life as a glutton for punishment. If there was a hard way, I would find it. It became something of a badge of honor, my ability to face adversity square in the face and push on. I remember in my early 30\u2019s, I decided I would run my first marathon. Now, there was nothing intrinsically wrong with my desire to take on this challenge and stretch beyond were my current abilities, but because it was so deeply ingrained in me to soldier on, I was unable to accurately listen to the messages my body was sending me. The grueling training regimen I kept myself on meant my body was chronically in a great deal of pain. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">To cope, or more accurately, to ignore, I began taking\nregularly high doses of anti-inflammatory medications so I could continue\nrunning. Eventually, the abuse of my body led to horrible stomach pain and\nbloody diarrhea. Even these symptoms didn\u2019t register as something I should pay\nattention to. I never even thought to ask myself if it was too much pain. I\nnever considered slowing down or stopping to help my body feel better and allow\nsome comfort. Deny, ignore, and just soldier on. In retrospect, instead of finishing\nthe marathon with a new sense of purpose and pride, I look back on that time in\nmy life with incredible sadness. The vestiges of childhood trauma left me with\nan acutely high tolerance to pain and harshness. This was the world in which I\nresided and the life I knew best. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It wasn\u2019t long after the marathon I began to see a massage\ntherapist. I think my heart was in the right place. I began to feel the seeds\nof longing to feel better and not wanting to live my life in so much pain. On\nmy first visit to see her, true to form, I told her that I would respond best\nto really deep tissue massage and I wanted her to go in hard and dig deep into\nthe muscle. This fit with my motto, no pain, no gain. I don\u2019t think I could see\na path where I could open myself up to anything that felt good without first\nhaving to pass through the gates of suffering. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I remember this moment vividly. You know the feeling when\nsomeone is about ready to say something, however unwittingly, that will unravel\nand upend your entire world. She looked at me and with such kindness said that\nif she goes in too harshly and works too deeply into the muscle, my whole body\nwill begin to tense and tighten up in an effort to protect itself from the\nonslaught, but if she gently begins to work the fascia around the muscles,\ngoing slowly and easily, then the muscles will &nbsp;organically begin to unravel and soften and offer\nme some relief. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I can tell you that much of my adulthood since has been learning\nto cultivate this idea in all areas of my life. There is now an invitation to\nsoften when things feel painful or uncomfortable. What I had learned in childhood,\nand what felt like the harshest path, always involved so much resistance. It\nfelt like pushing a boulder uphill or swimming against the current. But there\nis a great spiritual truth, one found in 12 step meetings and bumper stickers\nwhich goes something like\u2026 &nbsp;Pain is necessary,\nbut Suffering is optional.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">What I have learned along the way on this journey is that my\nold ways of seeking the most painful and desolate path was that it led to\neverything tightening more. I spent so much time protecting against the pain\nthat there was not room for any opening up to what felt sweet and full of\ngoodness. We cannot simultaneously both tighten to protect and open up to\nreceive. But if we can begin to soften just a bit, if we can find the path of\ngently working the fascia around the muscle, life often gives way to some sort\nof sweetness, even in the most painful of circumstances. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When we meet the edges around what feels difficult with\ngentleness and kindness, when we bring to our places of pain and discomfort our\nloving attention instead of marching out the troops in an all-out assault, then\nwe learn that the hard way is not always the better way. Instead, we learn that\neven if we find ourselves in places that feel hard, there is always a way to allow\ngentleness to touch upon our harsh edges. We learn flow and not force. This is\nthe path to softening.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u00a0&#8220;We become a bundle of tense muscles defending our existence&#8221; Chogyam Trungpa &nbsp;I would describe myself during most of my early life as a glutton for punishment. If there was a hard way, I would find it. It became something of a badge of honor, my ability to face adversity square in the face and &hellip; <\/p>\n<p class=\"link-more\"><a href=\"http:\/\/butterflyeffectscounseling.com\/?p=888\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;The Path to Softening&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[222,223,203],"class_list":["post-888","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-coping","tag-feeling-better","tag-mental-health"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.3 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>The Path to Softening &#8902; Butterfly Effects Counseling<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/butterflyeffectscounseling.com\/?p=888\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Path to Softening &#8902; Butterfly Effects Counseling\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"\u00a0&#8220;We become a bundle of tense muscles defending our existence&#8221; Chogyam Trungpa &nbsp;I would describe myself during most of my early life as a glutton for punishment. If there was a hard way, I would find it. It became something of a badge of honor, my ability to face adversity square in the face and &hellip; Continue reading &quot;The Path to Softening&quot;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"http:\/\/butterflyeffectscounseling.com\/?p=888\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Butterfly Effects Counseling\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/butterflyeffectscounseling\/?modal=admin_todo_tour\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2020-02-21T15:18:31+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2020-02-21T16:52:44+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/images.unsplash.com\/photo-1511127088257-53ccfcc769fa?ixlib=rb-1.2.1&amp;ixid=eyJhcHBfaWQiOjEyMDd9&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=crop&amp;w=500&amp;q=60\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"denisevw\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"denisevw\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"8 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/butterflyeffectscounseling.com\\\/?p=888#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/butterflyeffectscounseling.com\\\/?p=888\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"denisevw\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/butterflyeffectscounseling.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/b84acfc2747e5f02f0ec629ba3b2ee29\"},\"headline\":\"The Path to Softening\",\"datePublished\":\"2020-02-21T15:18:31+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2020-02-21T16:52:44+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/butterflyeffectscounseling.com\\\/?p=888\"},\"wordCount\":1575,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/butterflyeffectscounseling.com\\\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/butterflyeffectscounseling.com\\\/?p=888#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/images.unsplash.com\\\/photo-1511127088257-53ccfcc769fa?ixlib=rb-1.2.1&amp;ixid=eyJhcHBfaWQiOjEyMDd9&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=crop&amp;w=500&amp;q=60\",\"keywords\":[\"coping\",\"feeling better\",\"mental health\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"http:\\\/\\\/butterflyeffectscounseling.com\\\/?p=888#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/butterflyeffectscounseling.com\\\/?p=888\",\"url\":\"http:\\\/\\\/butterflyeffectscounseling.com\\\/?p=888\",\"name\":\"The Path to Softening &#8902; 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If there was a hard way, I would find it. 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