{"id":545,"date":"2019-03-30T20:16:57","date_gmt":"2019-03-30T20:16:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/butterflyeffectscounseling.com\/?p=545"},"modified":"2019-07-22T21:34:11","modified_gmt":"2019-07-22T21:34:11","slug":"the-loss-of-my-soul","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/butterflyeffectscounseling.com\/?p=545","title":{"rendered":"The loss of my soul"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"\/<\/figure>\n\n\n

The loss of my soul almost went unnoticed. Had it left in some dramatic fashion, exploding like fireworks, a life changing event on the order of an epic love coming to a tragic and premature end, I am quite sure I would have noticed. But no, mine was a slow leak, draining my soul slowly over the course of years, an endless stream of mundane, everyday soul sapping moments that lull you into believing you are living your life.<\/p>\n

When I finally did realize my soul was gone, it required a bit of detective work to trace it’s escape route. Where had I gone wrong? What could I have done to justify my soul decision to jump ship? I imagined my soul deciding, in a desperate bid to save itself that it would go find another human who would give a damn sight more than me about showing up more fully in this thing we call life.
\nWell, I won’t bore you with all the details of what I learned of my soul’s departure and sadly, it won’t come as much of a surprise. The first time my soul left happened on a beautiful sunny Spring day, perfect weather and blue sky as far as the eye could see. The slight breeze felt like a soft caress, almost an apology for leaving me far too long in the cold dark winter. On that day, my son’s excitement was palpable, smile spreading joyfully across his face. I know\u2026his energy should have been contagious, his chubby, sticky fingers reaching for mine. “Let’s go down the slide Mommy”, drawing out Mommy to such an extent that I suppose even he knew if he didn’t keep my attention I would somehow disappear. Once I found a place to sit, I looked up only long enough to give him the thumbs up and continued to scroll my newsfeed, mesmerized by a video depicting the unlikely friendship between a ferret and pot-bellied pig. It seemed important at the time. And later that weekend? Well more of my soul left in protest when I decided to snuggle up with Netflix and binge watch three seasons of The Magicians. Holed up in that dark room, blanketed under an extra-large hoodie I hunkered down for the long haul. I am embarrassed to share that my son’s overtures to connect with me went unrequited that weekend.<\/p>\n

There were countless more moments, but I am sure now you can see the writing on the wall. Each moment seemed so trivial at the time and honestly, when I finally realized what was happening, it was already too late, my soul had gone in search of greener pastures. So, I am spending most of my time these days in search of my lost soul. I try to find it on long walks, games of Candyland, melting ice cream and warm hugs. Places I would go if I were a lost soul. I will let you know when I find it!<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The loss of my soul almost went unnoticed. Had it left in some dramatic fashion, exploding like fireworks, a life changing event on the order of an epic love coming to a tragic and premature end, I am quite sure I would have noticed. But no, mine was a slow leak, draining my soul slowly … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “The loss of my soul”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[41,44,35,50,16,13,47,32,38],"class_list":["post-545","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-connection","tag-finding-your-soul","tag-loss-of-soul","tag-meaning","tag-mother","tag-parenting","tag-passion","tag-soul","tag-soulless-technology"],"yoast_head":"\nThe loss of my soul ⋆ Butterfly Effects Counseling<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/butterflyeffectscounseling.com\/?p=545\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The loss of my soul ⋆ Butterfly Effects Counseling\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"The loss of my soul almost went unnoticed. 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